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	<title>WRDZ - Wake Up, Reconnect, Dharma, Zen &#187; Delusions</title>
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		<title>Other Delusions: pride, ignorance, doubt, jealousy, laziness, Emotions around sexual abuse, Loneliness, Bruised Ego / dealing with criticism</title>
		<link>http://www.wrdz.com/other-delusions-pride-ignorance-doubt-jealousy-laziness-emotions-around-sexual-abuse-loneliness-bruised-ego-dealing-with-criticism</link>
		<comments>http://www.wrdz.com/other-delusions-pride-ignorance-doubt-jealousy-laziness-emotions-around-sexual-abuse-loneliness-bruised-ego-dealing-with-criticism#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 04 Mar 2010 15:20:24 +0000</pubDate>
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				<category><![CDATA[Delusions]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Bruised Ego / dealing with criticism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[doubt]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ego]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Emotions around sexual abuse]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[false nature]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[false self]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ignorance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[jealousy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[laziness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Loneliness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mara]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[pride]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satan]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Other Delusions: pride, ignorance, doubt, jealousy, laziness, Emotions around sexual abuse, Loneliness, Bruised Ego / dealing with criticism
Emotions reflect intentions.
Therefore, awareness of emotions leads to awareness of intentions.
Every discrepancy between a conscious intention and the emotions                that accompany it,
points directly [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>Other Delusions: pride, ignorance, doubt, jealousy, laziness, Emotions around sexual abuse, Loneliness, Bruised Ego / dealing with criticism</strong></p>
<blockquote><p><strong>Emotions reflect intentions.<br />
Therefore, awareness of emotions leads to awareness of intentions.<br />
Every discrepancy between a conscious intention and the emotions                that accompany it,<br />
points directly to a splintered aspect of the self that requires                healing.</strong><br />
<em>Gary Zukav<span id="more-2460"></span></em></p></blockquote>
<h4><strong>PRIDE </strong></h4>
<p>Pride is defined as an exaggerated positive evaluation of oneself,                often based on a devaluation of others. It results in a kind of                attachment to oneself and aversion to others.</p>
<p>TRANSFORM: inferiority feelings, fears for attack                create a shield, leading to isolation<br />
WITH: observation, analysis, <em>equanimity</em>, courage and <em>tong-len.</em><br />
ASK: Who caused my: education, intelligence, beautiful body, money?                Does someone with <a href="http://viewonbuddhism.org/self-confidence.html" target="_blank">self-confidence</a> need to be proud?<br />
INTO: self-confidence, honesty with yourself &amp; others, fearlessness,                gratitude, friendship, equanimity.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;&#8230;to have greater self-awareness or understanding                  means to have a better grasp of reality. Now, the opposite of                  reality is to project onto yourself qualities that are not there,                  ascribe to yourself characteristics in contrast to what is actually                  the case. For example, when you have a distorted view of yourself,                  such as through excessive pride or arrogance, because of these                  states of mind, you have an exaggerated sense of your qualities                  and personal abilities. Your view of your own abilities goes far                  beyond your actual abilities. On the other hand, when you have                  low self-esteem, then you underestimate your actual qualities                  and abilities. You belittle yourself, you put yourself down. This                  leads to a complete loss of faith in yourself. So excess&#8211;both                  in terms of exaggeration and devaluation&#8211;are equally destructive.                  lt is by addressing these obstacles and by constantly examining                  your personal character, qualities, and abilities, that you can                  learn to have greater self-understanding. This is the way to become                  more self-aware.&#8221;<br />
<em>From &#8220;<a href="http://www.snowlionpub.com/store/store.cgi?affiliate=International_Kalachakra_Network&amp;page=pages/ARHAWP.php" target="_blank">The                  Art of Happiness at Work</a>&#8221; by His Holiness the Dalai Lama                  and Howard C. Cutler, M.D. </em></p>
<p>&#8220;One of the main obstacles is our pride.                  This pride is an inflated state of mind and relies on our false                  view of the transitory collection, which focuses on the existent                  self, attributed to our body and mind, and distorts it. When we                  are on top of a very high mountain, we look down on all the lower                  peaks. Similarly, when we are full of pride, everyone else appears                  lower. We are the best and everyone else is inferior. This pride                  is associated with our self-preoccupation and makes us act inappropriately                  and disrespectfully towards others, thereby bringing us face to                  face with all kinds of unpleasant and unwanted experiences. As                  long as we feel and act as through we are the center of the universe,                  we will never develop real concern for others. To counteract this                  attitude we train ourselves always to think of them as supremely                  important by considering their good qualities and by reviewing                  our own faults and weaknesses.&#8221;<br />
<em>from &#8216;Eight Verses for Training the Mind&#8217; by Geshe Sonam Rinchen</em></p>
<p>&#8220;Tibetans look at a person who holds himself                  above others, believing he is better than others and knows more,                  and they say that person is like someone sitting on a mountain                  top: it is cold there, it is hard, and nothing will grow. But                  if the person puts himself in a lower position, then that person                  is like a fertile field.&#8221;<br />
<em>Allan Wallace </em></p>
<p>&#8220;An authentically empowered person is humble.                  This does not mean the false humility of one who stoops to be                  with those who are below him or her. It is the inclusiveness of                  one who responds to the beauty of each soul. &#8230; It is the harmlessness                  of one who treasures, honours and reveres life in all its forms.&#8221;<br />
<em>Gary Zukav in &#8216;<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/067169507X/internatio0c4-20" target="_blank">The                  Seat of the Soul</a>&#8216; </em></p>
<p>&#8220;What is like a smelly fart,<br />
that, although invisible is obvious?<br />
One&#8217;s own faults, that are precisely<br />
As obvious as the effort made to hide them.&#8221;<br />
<em>His Holiness the 7th Dalai Lama in &#8216;<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0937938300/internatio0c4-20" target="_blank">Songs                  of spiritual change</a>&#8216; (translated by Glenn Mullin)</em></p>
<p>&#8220;If we see pride among people who have no                  idea about Dharma, it is understandable. However, if afflictive                  emotions and haughtiness are present among Dharma practitioners,                  it is great disgrace to practice&#8221;<br />
<em>His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama</em></p>
<p>How can you be proud if you are not enlightened?<br />
How can you be proud if even the enlightened are not?<br />
<em>Stonepeace </em></p></blockquote>
<h4><strong><a name="2"></a>IGNORANCE </strong></h4>
<p>Ignorance is not only not knowing, but also includes                not wanting to know. In Buddhism, the deeper level of ignorance                refers to a lack of <a href="http://viewonbuddhism.org/wisdom_emptiness.html" target="_blank">wisdom</a> or                insight into the nature of reality.</p>
<p>Ignorance, or not having real wisdom, lies at the                basis of all our problems, up to the fact that we are not fully enlightened                Buddhas, who only experience bliss and no suffering or frustration.                Due to our ignorance, we do negative actions and thus create misery                in our future (see <a href="http://viewonbuddhism.org/karma.html" target="_blank">karma</a>). According to                Buddhism, all our negative (unhelpful) emotions have their origin                in misunderstanding in general and not realizing the wisdom of emptiness.                The road to a full realization of this wisdom is usually very long,                and can easily take many life-times, but a journey needs to begin                with a first step&#8230;.</p>
<p>TRANSFORM: avoiding responsibility for one&#8217;s own life, lack of                self-confidence, negative mind-patterns and behavior<br />
WITH: study, attending teachings, critical analysis, reflection,                meditation<br />
INTO: wisdom, taking responsibility, feeling confident, thinking                and acting positively for ourselves and others</p>
<h4><strong><a name="3"></a>DOUBT </strong></h4>
<p>Defined as: deluded indecisive wavering &#8211; being                in two minds about reality; usually leading to negative actions.                Examples are, once one has decided to be a Buddhist, doubting karma,                rebirth etc. In fact, one should be clear about these fundamental                aspects prior to becoming a Buddhist.</p>
<p>TRANSFORM: lack of self-confidence or ignorance<br />
WITH: study, critical analysis, reflection, enthusiasm, meditation.<br />
INTO: clarity, self-confidence and conviction.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;There is nothing more dreadful than the                  habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates                  friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that                  irritates and hurts, it is a sword that kills.&#8221;<br />
<em>The Buddha</em></p>
<p>&#8220;Although individuals may be highly intelligent,                  they are sometimes dogged by skepticism and doubts. They are clever,                  but they tend to be hesitant and skeptical and are never really                  able to settle down. These people are the least receptive&#8221;<br />
<em>His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama</em></p>
<p>&#8220;If we were to put our minds to one powerful                  wisdom method and work with it directly, there is a real possibility                  we would become enlightened.<br />
Our minds, however, are riddled with confusion and doubt. I sometimes                  think that doubt is an even greater block to human evolution than                  is desire or attachment. Our society promotes cleverness instead                  of wisdom, and celebrates the most superficial, harsh, and least                  useful aspects of our intelligence. We have become so falsely                  “sophisticated” and neurotic that we take doubt itself                  for truth, and the doubt that is nothing more than ego’s                  desperate attempt to defend itself from wisdom is deified as the                  goal and fruit of true knowledge.<br />
This form of mean-spirited doubt is the shabby emperor of samsara,                  served by a flock of “experts” who teach us not the                  open-souled and generous doubt that Buddha assured us was necessary                  for testing and proving the worth of the teachings, but a destructive                  form of doubt that leaves us nothing to believe in, nothing to                  hope for, and nothing to live by.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;Doubts demand from us a real skillfulness                  in dealing with them, and I notice how few people have any idea                  how to pursue doubts or to use them. It seems ironic that in a                  civilization that so worships the power of deflation and doubt,                  hardly anyone has the courage to deflate the claims of doubt itself-to                  do as one Hindu master said: &#8216;turn the dogs of doubt on doubt                  itself, to unmask cynicism, and to uncover what fear, despair,                  hopelessness, and tired conditioning it springs from&#8217;. Then doubt                  would no longer be an obstacle, but a door to realization, and                  whenever doubt appeared in the mind, a seeker would welcome it                  as a means of going deeper into the truth.&#8221;<br />
<em>Sogyal Rinpoche from Glimpse of the Day.</em></p></blockquote>
<h4><strong><a name="4"></a>JEALOUSY </strong></h4>
<p>Jealousy is wanting an object for oneself which belongs to others,                so obviously it is strongly related to <a href="http://viewonbuddhism.org/attachment.html" target="_blank">attachment</a>.</p>
<p>A commentary by Lama Zopa Rinpoche (Kopan Courses No. 3 (Fall 1972)                and No. 4 (Spring 1973), from <a href="http://www.lamayeshe.com/" target="_blank">www.LamaYeshe.com</a>:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Rejoicing is the best remedy for jealousy                  and envy. Rejoicing does not depend on material or physical actions—it                  can be done while you are working, eating, or sleeping—it                  can be done at any time and it is such a simple way to create                  good karma. If a person has many friends and you feel joyous in                  your heart, that person is lucky. This result is due to the good                  karma he created in past lives. Having many possessions and children                  is the same. Seeing this, you should feel joyous in your heart.                  You may feel jealous of some couples, of their harmony and enjoyments—but                  you should think that this result is due to the fact that they                  created the cause for such experiences in past lives. So why shouldn’t                  they experience the result of enjoyment now?</p>
<p>Avoiding jealousy and envy and trying to feel                  joyful for others’ happiness creates much good karma. Feeling                  joy also keeps the mind at peace. If the mind is jealous and envious,                  you will feel very uncomfortable—like you have a big stone                  in your mind. But feeling joyful keeps the mind peaceful, without                  problems. Also, feeling joyful, you don’t create any bad                  vibrations or show any bad aspect to others—there is no                  confusion going on between you and the object.</p>
<p>You should also try not to feel jealousy or envy                  for anyone who meditates and studies the Dharma a great deal.                  Instead, you should try to feel joyful. When bodhisattvas see                  other beings receiving bodhicitta, their holy minds are extremely                  pleased, as if they have found a jewel. They feel very joyful                  that the other beings understand Dharma and are working for sentient                  beings due to karma. This kind of thinking keeps the mind relaxed,                  not bubbly like boiling water, and keeps peace between you and                  the other person. Judging other people exaggerates so much, and                  jealousy, envy, and putting people down creates so much bad karma.                  Whenever we see other people creating good karma we can always                  create good karma ourselves by feeling joyful. This keeps the                  mind happy, and creates infinite good karma as there are infinite                  numbers of ordinary beings. This is a very simple way to purify                  and create good karma. The mind that rejoices for others’                  merits is always pure—it is something inside you that cannot                  be shown, creating good karma. There is no danger of having too                  many expectations from thinking like this, such as hoping that                  others will like you or having other desires for temporal rewards                  for the comfort of this life. The mind that is pleased that others                  create merit is always happy.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>Lama Zopa Rinpoche from <em><a href="http://www.lamayeshe.com/lamazopa/goodheart.htm" target="_blank">Practicing                the good heart:</a></em></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;If we have a good heart, we experience                  much happiness and relaxation. We have no reason to feel angry                  or jealous and we have a very happy mind. When we speak, sweet                  words come out. Even our face is happy and smiling. At night we                  go to bed with a happy mind and have a very comfortable sleep,                  without any worries.</p>
<p>Otherwise, if we live our life with a very selfish,                  ungenerous mind, we think about nothing else except me, me, me:                  &#8220;When will I be happy? When will I be free from these problems?&#8221;                  If our attitude is like this, jealousy and anger arise easily,                  strongly and repeatedly, so we experience much unhappiness in                  our life, many ups-and-downs. During the day we have a cold heart                  and at night we even go to bed with a cold heart and unhappy mind.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>In a nutshell:<br />
TRANSFORM: attachment, greed, selfishness, blocked communication<br />
WITH: rejoicing/sympathetic joy (in someone else&#8217;s fortune), equanimity,                compassion and love<br />
INTO: sharing in happiness, open heartedness</p>
<p>A very concise explanation of jealousy can be found in the <a href="http://www.berzinarchives.com/sutra/sutra_level_3/dealing_jealousy.html" target="_blank">Berzin                Archives</a>.</p>
<div><strong><a name="6"></a>LAZINESS</strong></div>
<p>Defined as: being attached to temporary pleasure, not wanting                to do virtue or only little; opposite to diligence.</p>
<p>Sogyal Rinpoche in &#8216;<a href="http://www.snowlionpub.com/store/store.cgi?affiliate=International_Kalachakra_Network&amp;page=pages/TIBOLP.php" target="_blank"><em>Tibetan                book of living and dying</em></a>&#8216;:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Naturally there are different species of laziness:                  Eastern and Western. The Eastern style is like the one practised                  in India. It consists of hanging out all day in the sun, doing                  nothing, avoiding any kind of work or useful activity, drinking                  cups of tea, listening to Hindi film music blaring on the radio,                  and gossiping with friends. Western laziness is quite different.                  It consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so                  there is no time at all to confront the real issues. This form                  of laziness lies in our failure to choose worthwhile applications                  for our energy.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>His Holiness the 7th Dalai Lama from &#8216;<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0937938300/internatio0c4-20" target="_blank"><em>Songs                of spiritual change</em></a>&#8216;:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Do not deceive yourself with laziness,<br />
which thinks to practice tomorrow or the next day,<br />
Or you will die praying for help.<br />
Quickly, quickly help yourself<br />
and take the essence of truth.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;One can be deceived by three types of laziness:<br />
of indolence, which is the wish to procrastinate;<br />
the laziness of inferiority, which is doubting your capabilities;<br />
and the laziness that is attachment to negative actions, or putting                  great effort into non-virtue.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>The same in different words by Ringu Tulku Rinpoche from &#8216;<em><a href="http://www.snowlionpub.com/store/store.cgi?affiliate=International_Kalachakra_Network&amp;page=pages/DASTTO.php" target="_blank">Daring                Steps Toward Fearlessness: The Three Vehicles of Buddhism</a></em>&#8216;:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;The Buddhist notion of diligence is to                  delight in positive deeds. Its opposite, called <em>le lo</em> in Tibetan, has three aspects. Le lo is usually translated as                  &#8220;laziness,&#8221; though only its first aspect refers to laziness                  as we usually understand it.<br />
The first aspect is not doing something because of indolence,                  even though we know that it is good and ought to be done.<br />
The second aspect is faintheartedness. This comes about when we                  underestimate our qualities and abilities, thinking, &#8220;I&#8217;m                  so incompetent and weak. It would be good to do that, but I could                  never accomplish it.&#8221; Not having the confidence of thinking,                  &#8220;I can do it,&#8221; we end up doing nothing.<br />
The third aspect refers to being very busy and seeming diligent,                  but wasting time and energy on meaningless activities that will                  not accomplish anything in the long run. When we do many things                  for no real purpose, we fail to focus on what is truly worthwhile                  and our path has no clear direction.<br />
When we refrain from these three aspects of laziness, we are diligent.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>Once more in the words of His Holiness the Dalai Lama from <em><a href="http://www.snowlionpub.com/store/store.cgi?affiliate=International_Kalachakra_Network&amp;page=pages/HOSEPA.php" target="_blank">How to See Yourself As You Really Are</a></em>:</p>
<blockquote><p>Laziness comes in many forms, all of which result in procrastination, putting off practice to another time. Sometimes laziness is a matter of being distracted from meditation by morally neutral activities, like sewing or considering how to drive from one place to another; this type of laziness can be especially pernicious because these thoughts and activities are not usually recognized as problems.<br />
At other times, laziness manifests as distraction to thinking about nonvirtuous activities, such as an object of lust or how to pay an enemy back. Another type of laziness is the sense that you are inadequate to the task of meditation, feeling inferior and discouraged: &#8220;How could someone like me ever achieve this!&#8221; In this case you are failing to recognize the great potential of the human mind and the power of gradual training.<br />
All of these forms of laziness involve being unenthusiastic about meditation. How can they be overcome? Contemplation of the advantages of attaining mental and physical flexibility will generate enthusiasm for meditation and counteract laziness. Once you have developed the meditative joy and bliss of mental and physical flexibility, you will be able to stay in meditation for as long as you want. At that time your mind will be completely trained so you can direct it to any virtuous activity; all dysfunctions of body and mind will have been cleared away.</p></blockquote>
<p>See also Pema Chodron&#8217;s interesting text on <a href="http://www.shambhalasun.com/Archives/Columnists/Pema/PemaNov98.htm" target="_blank">laziness</a>.</p>
<h4><strong><a name="7"></a>EMOTIONS AROUND SEXUAL ABUSE </strong></h4>
<p>Some personal notes on this emotionally devastating                act. I have been lucky enough to never being a victim of sexual                abuse, but was confronted with it in a very unusual situation; I&#8217;ll                tell the story a little bit later.<br />
Strictly spoken, when a victim of sexual abuse feels guilty, it                is the result of incorrect reasoning, as the attacker is responsible.                So on that ordinary level, guilt is a mistaken view.<br />
A very hard to swallow approach is realizing the laws of <a href="http://viewonbuddhism.org/karma.html" target="_blank"><em>karma</em></a>.                These actually say, that everything which I experience is ultimately                caused by my own past actions. Why does this seem so logical for                a simple act like stealing causes being robbed, and so difficult                to accept with sexual abuse? I personally believe that the negative                emotions that come up by being in such a hopeless situation are                so strong that they leave too little space for looking at it rationally                and somewhat more objectively. Believe it or not, it seems proven                beyond doubt that many sexual abusers have themselves been victims                of sexual abuse in their early life.</p>
<p>The following story happened while your webmaster                worked in a meditation center.</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;During an intensive 11-day in-house meditation                  course, a young woman was raped at knife-point during the breakfast                  break, in a small piece of forest just outside the center; everyone                  was stunned, it was bizarre. As a nurse, she had been involved                  with quite a number of cases of sexual abuse, but never before                  experienced it herself. She was not a Buddhist (yet), but was                  quite fascinated by the teachings on karma and compassion. In                  a remarkable show of courage, she decided to go to the Indian                  police (they are not exactly considerate), and tell the course                  students in detail what had happened. For herself, she decided                  to regard the entire event as a test case to see if these teachings                  on karma, compassion and meditation could be of benefit to her                  in this situation.<br />
A couple of days later, several women left the course. I discovered                  later that these women had been sexually abused earlier in life,                  and simply could not cope with the positive approach of this one                  woman who decided to  try and feel compassion for the abuser.                  At that moment, it was painfully obvious to me that some of the                  people who mostly needed these methods, could not even face a                  different type of approach to their frustrations. By walking out,                  they simply shut another door to transforming their problems.                  Out of frustration, they felt upset and even angry about the woman                  who tried a different approach.<br />
What happened to the attacked woman? I saw her again one year                  later, seriously involved in Buddhism, eager to do another course,                  and without any frustrations about the abuse she had undergone&#8230;&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<h4><strong><a name="8">LONELINESS</a></strong></h4>
<p>A description found in a webforum:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;This may sound a bit naive to some people,                  but I&#8217;ve just come to realize that we are all alone in this world.                  Sounds so sad, I know. Even when you are coupled up with someone                  who loves you, ultimately, realistically, we are still alone.<br />
I remember being in love with my b/f and thinking to myself how                  I don&#8217;t feel lonely anymore. But when we broke up, I was faced                  with overwhelming loneliness&#8230;not just because he left me, but                  because I was reminded that the comfort feeling I had with my                  now ex, was just a cover-up, a blanket of my loneliness. Does                  anyone else feel like this???&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>My first reaction to this is; &#8220;Probably not                many.&#8221; This posting actually proves an unusually good analysis.                Just like most things we do for &#8216;fun and excitement&#8217;, also the excitement                of relationships is a very temporary blanket to cover up the painful                and frustrating aspects of life. Ultimately, every relationship                breaks up, at the latest when one of them dies.<br />
Does this mean we should all be celibate and forget about finding                a partner? That is not necessary at all, but we should not overrate                the value of relationships into &#8216;being happy&#8217;. Happiness is a state                of mind, not a state of your relationship.</p>
<p>A tough comment from Lama Yeshe in &#8216;<a href="http://www.snowlionpub.com/store/store.cgi?affiliate=International_Kalachakra_Network&amp;page=pages/beva.php" target="_blank"><em>Becoming                Vajrasattva, the Tantric Path of Purification</em></a>&#8216;:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;Why are we bored, lonely and lazy? Because                  we don&#8217;t have the will to totally open our hearts to others. If                  you have the strength of will to totally open your heart to others,                  you will eliminate laziness, selfishness and loneliness. Actually,                  the reason you get lonely is that you are not doing anything.                  If you were busy, you wouldn&#8217;t have time to get lonely. Loneliness                  can only enter an inactive mind. If your mind is dull and your                  body inactive, then you get lonely. Basically, this comes from                  a selfish attitude, concern for yourself alone. That is the cause                  of loneliness, laziness and a closed heart.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>An exerpt from a <a href="http://www.chan1.org/ddp/channews/03-1981.html" target="_blank">lecture</a> by Shih-fu Sheng-yen:</p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;When I was in solitary retreat, I knew                  that I was together with all sentient beings in innumerable worlds.                  Even though I seemed to be alone in a small, enclosed room, actually                  I was in company with many ants who found their way inside, and                  there were many insects around the hut who created all kinds of                  sounds in the evening. When I opened the Sutras, people thousands                  of years in the past were talking to me. How could I feel lonely?                  Some people think I must feel lonely being a monk without any                  wife or children. Not at all. I have the 5 precepts and the 10                  Virtuous Deeds as my wife, and my children are all the people                  who I have developed a karmic affinity with and who call me Shih-fu.                  It is only those pitiable people who enclose themselves and cannot                  establish a relationship with the outside world who feel lonely.                  If you keep yourself enclosed, even if you live among thousands                  of people you will still feel very lonely. However, if you keep                  yourself open, then even if you are living alone, you will still                  have a very full life. So open your mind and treat everyone as                  your intimate, virtuous friend.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>A nice text by Pema Chodron on <a href="http://www.shambhalasun.com/Archives/Features/2000/July00/pema7_00.htm" target="_blank">Six                types of loneliness</a></p>
<h4><a name="ego"></a>BRUISED EGO / DEALING WITH CRITICISM</h4>
<p>Advice from Lama Zopa Rinpoche &#8211; from <a href="http://www.lamayeshe.com/lamazopa/advicebook/emotions/ego.shtml" target="_blank">Lama                Yeshe Wisdom Archives</a>.</p>
<p><em><strong>Rinpoche gave the following advice for situations where                one’s ego gets bruised.</strong></em></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;When one’s ego is harmed, one should                  rejoice. How great it is! How wonderful it is! In the same way                  as ordinary people react when their enemy is harmed or when some                  trouble happens to them, one should rejoice and feel so happy                  when one’s ego is hurt. Exactly like that, one should think:                  How fantastic it is for this ego to be harmed!</p>
<p>If a person is practicing lam rim, thought transformation,                  and bodhicitta, then when something hurts their ego, they should                  think, “How fortunate! This is exactly what I need. Let                  the ego have this, and even greater harm!”</p>
<p>The stronger the harm to the ego, the more quickly                  one destroys the ego. Without ego, there is bodhicitta, and when                  there is bodhicitta, one creates so much merit and that leads                  one to generate wisdom quickly. Then one can accumulate the two                  causes, and achieve enlightenment. That is the purpose of being                  alive. It is what makes life meaningful.</p>
<p>Without bodhicitta, it is not possible to get                  enlightened. The highest level you can reach is that of arhat.                  The reason why the arhat cannot achieve enlightenment is lack                  of bodhicitta. So think, “How wonderful it is that my ego                  is being harmed.”</p>
<p>Treat the ego the way many Americans treat Osama                  bin Laden: How pleased they are when his cause is harmed. Think,                  my ego is trillions of times more harmful than bin Laden.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p><em><strong>Handling Criticism</strong></em></p>
<p><em>A woman in Delhi, whose name was often in                the press, had received criticism that she felt was unfair. She                was extremely upset about this adverse press coverage, and came                to ask Lama Zopa Rinpoche for advice. </em></p>
<blockquote><p>&#8220;When something like this happens, think                  in this way: “I am not going to be here in this world forever,                  in Delhi with these society people.” This is also useful                  when experiencing very hurtful relationship problems, if the situation                  is really heavy and you feel you can’t bear it.</p>
<p>Think like this: “Actually, death can happen                  any time. Even today, at any moment, death can happen to me. So                  what is the point in being worried about bad reputation and all                  those words? There is no point at all.</p>
<p>“Even if I am criticized by every human                  being in this world, even by animals, insects, hell beings, hungry                  ghosts, devas, and asuras, it is nothing. It is not the first                  time I have experienced being criticized. Numberless times in                  the past I have experienced this. Not only have I been criticized,                  I have also had good reputations numberless times in the past,                  not only in this life, in past lives. Numberless times, I have                  had a great reputation. I have been the most famous person in                  the world.”</p>
<p>So, good and bad reputations are nothing new                  in samsara, and life is so short. It is like a dream, a one-time                  dream. It happens, and then it is gone. Like the duration of lightning,                  there’s a vivid appearance and the next minute, it’s                  gone. Thinking about impermanence and death is extremely important.</p>
<p>Regarding good reputation, it is said in the                  teachings by Milarepa, the great Tibetan yogi who became enlightened                  in one brief lifetime, that even though the sound of a thundering                  dragon is loud, it is empty sound. Even though the rainbow has                  such beautiful colors, it still disappears. The thundering sound                  refers to good and bad reputation, and the rainbow’s beautiful                  colors refer to a beautiful body.</p>
<p>The conclusion to what Milarepa is saying is                  not to cling. Of course, it doesn’t mean one shouldn’t                  have a good reputation. One can have a good reputation with a                  good heart. If having a good reputation is useful and it benefits                  others, then it is good, only in order to benefit and cause happiness                  to other living beings.</p>
<p>I often say in my lectures, having power and                  influence brings great danger for oneself and the world if one                  does not have a good heart in life. Therefore, these things, power                  and influence, are meaningless. But when one has a good heart                  and a mind to benefit others, having influence and power can be                  used to cause happiness for others. In these ways, these things                  become very meaningful.</p>
<p>In just this way, His Holiness the Dalai Lama                  or Shakyamuni Buddha have the best reputation, because there is                  no delusion, no defilement&#8217;s. The mind is completely pure and the                  actions are completely pure and performed only for others, not                  only with compassion and perfect power but with all wisdom and                  all the skills, so there is nothing to blame or to complain about.                  There is no cause for a bad reputation.</p>
<p>I did an observation and it came out that it                  is very good for you to talk to the press. It indicated this would                  be very beneficial for the problem.</p>
<p>According to Western terminology, here is the                  best psychology. Or, in Buddhism, according to meditation, this                  is how one can transform problems into happiness: by enjoying                  the problems.</p>
<p>Not only can one enjoy having a good reputation,                  one can enjoy having a bad reputation. How? The secret key is                  to think of the benefits of having a bad reputation and to think                  of the advantage you gain from it. The most important benefit,                  the most extensive, precious, and greatest advantage, and the                  basic technique to gain it, is to use the problem. Use the reputation                  to destroy your ego, which is your biggest main enemy. The ego                  makes you encounter all the problems and causes others to abuse                  you, criticize you, and give you your bad reputation. If you destroy                  the ego, there is only ultimate good heart—in Sanskrit,                  bodhicitta: the thought of benefiting others, cherishing others;                  that very pure holy mind.</p>
<p>Having that makes you holy, called a bodhisattva,                  and ultimately makes you become a buddha. How? By making your                  mind cease all mistakes, defilement&#8217;s, and complete all the good                  qualities of the realizations. The advantage for you in becoming                  a perfect buddha is that the purpose of your life is not only                  to achieve happiness for yourself, but to cause happiness for                  all living beings, and free them from all the sufferings. By greatly                  benefiting others and bringing them to full enlightenment, peerless                  happiness, you also become a buddha and you have omniscience,                  perfect, complete, peerless power to cause all happiness for every                  living being, including enlightenment.</p>
<p>Experiencing problems for other living beings                  means developing compassion and loving kindness. By experiencing                  problems for others this way, you collect merit, good karma as                  vast as the sky, and the cause of happiness, and you purify inconceivable                  negative defilement&#8217;s. Whenever you encounter problems, you experience                  them for numberless others who are experiencing similar problems                  now and in the future.</p>
<p>This is how one can enjoy problems, gaining benefits                  as great as the sky. Each time you experience problems for others,                  you come closer to enlightenment, peerless happiness. With a good                  heart, when you are working for others, you are purifying so much                  of your own negative karma. It definitely gets purified, especially                  when you bear hardships working for others.</p>
<p>It is also mentioned in the teachings by the                  Kadampa Geshes, the great saints, that it is good that one gets                  criticized. Why? Because it is said by them that if one is praised                  by others, it develops pride. It lifts up the mind and makes one                  stuck up. But if one is criticized, it destroys one’s mistakes                  immediately. These mistaken actions bring problems now and in                  the future for oneself and for others. But if one is criticized,                  one comes to realize the mistakes that one was not aware of and                  this inspires one to change one’s attitude and life.</p>
<p>If one has comfort and happiness from having                  a good reputation or other things called good (one has to adapt                  this to one’s own circumstances), it sets ablaze the five                  poisonous delusions. If one is unhappy and suffering, that is,                  if one has problems, it finishes the negative karmas collected                  in the past. This is due to the guru’s kindness. Not everyone                  believes in the term ‘God’ so one can change the term                  from ‘God’ into ‘guru’. When the term                  guru doesn’t fit, then one can use the term God.</p>
<p>Problems are manifestations of emptiness, the                  ultimate nature. When one encounters unfortunate and undesirable                  situations, the teachings show how to look at them as positive.</p>
<p>It is also useful to think about His Holiness                  the Dalai Lama, whose qualities are beyond our conception, and                  who benefits numberless living beings in the world, and yet even                  many Tibetan people criticize His Holiness, although they themselves                  are Buddhists.</p>
<p>When Shakyamuni Buddha was in India, there were                  often sentient beings who criticized the Buddha, even though the                  Buddha has no delusions, no self-cherishing, no ignorance, no                  attachment, and no defilement&#8217;s. And, of course, we are ordinary                  beings filled with delusions and continually making mistakes,                  so therefore it is natural that we get a bad reputation and criticism                  from others.</p>
<p>By thinking this way, relax and be happy when                  problems come. Just enjoy them, by using the problems for meditation.                  Think of the benefit, the unbelievable opportunity to quickly                  develop the mind on the path.</p>
<p>This way of thinking is not only for now. It                  can be used in all of your daily life. It is the best meditation.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>More talks by Lama Zopa on this topic:<br />
<a href="http://www.lamayeshe.com/lamazopa/faults.shtml" target="_blank">The Faults                of Critizing and Blaming Others</a> (a letter from Lama Zopa Rinpoche)</p>
<p><img src="http://viewonbuddhism.org/images/Smile.gif" alt="" width="32" height="32" /><strong>Just for                fun:</strong><br />
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical                humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.<br />
<em>Frank Lloyd Wright</em></p>
<p>Don&#8217;t be irreplaceable. If you can&#8217;t be replaced, you can&#8217;t be                promoted</p>
<p>I don&#8217;t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.</p>
<p>Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.<em> </em></p>
<p><em></em>Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.</p>
<p>People who think they&#8217;re superior are exceedingly annoying to those                of us who really are.</p>
<p>Taken from: <a href="http://viewonbuddhism.org/delusions_pride_ignorance_doubt_loneliness.html" target="_blank">http://viewonbuddhism.org/delusions_pride_ignorance_doubt_loneliness.html</a></p>



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